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WHAT IS A COMPELLING LIFE?

(Many of these concepts are also included in the training videos on the Resource Page of this website)

To be compelling is to draw people to yourself, it is a critical component of living an influential life. An influential life can add meaning and purpose to your life and help you become more successful. Many of the world's greatest leaders chose to live an influential life while rejecting the material aspects of success, such as; Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Cesar Chavez, Chief Joseph, just to name a few. Being influential isn't about just being successful, but no one can be truly successful without also being influential.

Two important fundamentals of a compelling and influential life:

  1. All influential people articulate a compelling vision and build their lives around it.
  2. All influential people focus more on their relationships than their tasks.

Our protocol helps adolescents live a richer, fuller, more meaningful life and encourages them to be more successful from the very beginning.

Thanks to the Internet, it is far easier to be influential today than any other time in history.

THREE PRIMARY TASKS OF ADOLESCENCE ADDRESSED IN A COMPELLING LIFE

Three tasks of Maturity that A Compelling Life will help you attain (or what you can offer someone else).

TASK NO. 1: VALUES-BASED DECISION MAKING (MORAL COMPASS)

  “I know what I value and make decisions based upon those values."

Adolescents are prone to manipulation because peer approval is so important to them. A person simply cannot mature unless they can rely on their values to make decisions as opposed to making decisions based upon their peers or circumstances.

In teaching values, we often make three mistakes:

  1. We "tell" values instead of "sharing" them.
  2. We assume others know what a value is.
  3. We assume others share the values of the majority culture.

In our outreaches, we teach three key principles to a value;

  • A value is the way I want to be treated.
  • It is the way I will treat others.
  • No matter how they treat me.

If I change the way I treat others based upon the circumstances, then that's not a mature value, that's an immature convenience.

TASK NO. 2: IMPULSE CONTROL (DELAYED GRATIFICATION)

  “I have identified goals I want to master and am willing to delay gratification in pursuit of those goals."

Since adolescents are only beginning to form the pathways between the rational parts of their brain and the emotional parts of their brain, they are prone to immediate gratification. Delayed gratification and impulse control grow from a process called "scaffolding." This involves identifying goals that are relevant to the young person (but also challenging) then supporting the adolescent to pursue those goals. Achieving the goal is not always the result, indeed, if the goal is very challenging then it may be difficult to achieve. But failing--in an environment of unconditional dignity--is a key component in building resilience.

The emphasis of this process should be "doing well" and not just "feeling good."

This is especially important for traumatized adolescents who have learned to be either pessimistic, helpless or both. They cannot be “talked” out of their experiences. They must have new experiences, starting with small accomplishments that build the "scaffolding" to larger successes, leading to a sense of personal determination and being successful in their endeavors; “My belief in myself follows my behavior in the world.”

TASK NO. 3: SOCIAL CAPITAL

  “I can get the help I need to build a healthy future.”

All healthy mature adults surround themselves with people who will support their values and goals and help them grow in life. That is called "Social Capital."

Healthy parents (and healthy youth systems) do not want children to be more reliant upon them. In fact, that is indicative of a manipulator; manipulators (or manipulative systems) isolate a child from healthy social networks and increase their dependency.

We need to grow social capital in areas larger than career, areas such as community, culture, hobbies, lifelong education, relationships, spirituality, areas that will help us connect with something meaningful and larger than self.

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